T’was the day after Week 16, some divisions were clinched.
Russell Wilson continued his struggles since getting hitched.
Rodgers broke Favre’s Packers touchdown record with much time to spare;
I do not envy Jordan Love, Rodger’s apparent heir.
Many coaches will be fired soon that is not in doubt;
With no health insurance, they should stay away from yeasty foods as they cannot afford a bout of gout.
I am here to recap the week’s biggest stories,
Apologies in advance to all of my quarries.
Cardinals continue meltdown, lose to the Colts
With their loss to the Colts on Christmas night, the Cardinals have now lost three straight games and look to be in dire straits. Colts RB Johnathan Taylor continued his surge, rushing for over 100 yards in his third straight game and seemingly locking up this year’s rushing title. The Colts currently reside as the 5th seed in the AFC and are being hailed as the team nobody wants to play with the way they can control the clock through the ground.
Bengals blowout the Ravens, take control of the division
Behind QB Joe Burrow’s franchise record 525 passing yards, the Bengals buried their division rivals by a score of 41-21. The Bengals, who boast a trio of young offensive playmakers in RB Joe Mixon and WRs Tee Higgins and Jamar Chase, look set to contend for AFC supremacy for years to come. With a win next week and a Pittsburgh loss, the Bengals will clinch the AFC North for the first time since 2015. Hold the skyline chili celebratory dinners, though, as I am a strong believer that history always repeats itself – not because time is an infinite loop but because the only entertainment that airs today is superhero movies and reruns – and if we look at the last time Cincinnati had a successful professional sports team, it stands to reason that Joe Burrow’s indictment for betting on Cincinnati Reds games should be announced any day.
Bills get payback, bully the Patriots
Sometimes football games come down to who has the best player on the field. At Gillette Stadium on Sunday afternoon, Bills QB Josh Allen’s playmaking proved to be the deciding factor as he accounted for nearly 400 yards of offense and three touchdowns. The Bills were able to reclaim the division lead with the victory and will need to finish the season strong to ensure a home playoff game. The Patriots, now in their second year of the post Tom Brady Era, have to like how the season has gone regardless of Sunday’s result, as it looks like they have found their Quarterback of the future in Mac Jones.
Cowboys clobber Washington, clinch the NFC East
On Sunday night football, the Cowboys had their guns a-blazing in a 56-14 rout of division rival Washington. This game was never really close as the Cowboys had a three touchdown lead by the end of the first quarter. Cowboys QB Dak Prescott passed for over 300 yards and four touchdowns as he continues his campaign for NFL Comeback Player of the Year. The Cowboys, who have the second-highest point differential in the league, will be looking to put previous playoff woes behind them as they vie for their 6th Superbowl title.